Sir Barken Hyena writes:
Sir Barken was recently divorced from his long time she-hyena, which means I might just might be on the prowl for candidates for the New Lady Barken. Having been out of circulation for a century or two, I was a bit puzzled about how to proceed. Back in the day we just roamed the plains waiting for a whiff of a she hyena’s hind glands. Of course, today things are much more efficient!
In no time, fortune smiled and, once the word was out that Sir Barken was about, some tender shooting stars fell in my lap, from these new internet apps. So I’ve been gently trawling these new chat waves to see what great fishes this internetty sea has in it, just waiting to be harpooned.
OK, I’ll dispense with the purple
shit prose and get to the point.
There’s something marvelous about flirting with women via today’s various chat apps. In some ways, it might be as innovative as the phone, which facilitated much easier and more credible lying, a big help in forming relationships in that tender young stage. But today, we have much more at our fingertips! The benefits are legion:
- Don’t have to look interested, nod and go “uh huh”
- Can watch girls who don’t talk have sex while waiting for message ding
- Can easily document chain-pulling of females, for future hilarious humiliation in public.
- Can actually be making a sandwich, though in all honestly she should be doing this for you.
- Can always keep the upper hand by viewing message with no comment, then bailing. Let THEM wonder what fuck “seen @6:21 pm” means!
- Can send pictures of dick with email address watermarked over. Hey, it could go viral, who knows right? (email@example.com for those who want to get on that mailing list)
- Can actually GET pictures of hot and nasty nakkid gurls. The jaw drops.
- Can safely weed out the batshit insane without fear of being followed home and knifed.
And the list goes on. Yes, it’s true that my fishing has yet to yield a tender she-bitch craving my brand of love. But in the mean time, I’m having a great time out there, thanks to this strange new world we find ourselves in. God I love the internet.
Gotta go, I just caught the scent of hind glands coming off my smart phone, catcha later.