Uncouth Reflections

Fabrizio del Wrongo writes:

Cross of Iron

Co-blogger Paleo Retiree alerted me to this list of essential man movies a couple of weeks ago. I like Art of Manliness — it’s a good blog. And their list is pretty well-considered. Some of the entries — “Unforgiven,” “The Right Stuff,” “Bullitt,” “Dirty Harry,” “The French Connection” — are among those films that every person with a nutsack should know. But, nitpicking movie nerd that I am, I couldn’t help feeling dismayed by some of their other choices.

For instance: “Gandhi.” No lost art of manliness worth reviving holds “Gandhi” to be among its cherished works. It’s a movie made for Oscar voters — most of whom are old ladies in spirit if not in actual form. And how many men who aren’t school teachers or aspiring politicians revere “To Kill a Mockingbird”? The film’s main accomplishment is to successfully fellate three or four bleeding heart sympathies at once while vigorously whacking off two more. (As for Gregory Peck, I’m generally not a big fan. He always seems to be auditioning to play Lincoln.)

The omissions are even more distressing. First and foremost, “The Wild Bunch” is not on the list. Let me rephrase that: the mutherfucking “Wild Bunch” is not on the list. Actually, there are no Sam Peckinpah films at all. No Howard Hawks films either; no “Rio Bravo” even. This is a bit like making a list of essential pizza toppings and omitting cheese and pepperoni.

(For the record, if you’re into manly movies, you should — IMHO, of course — see just about everything directed by Peckinpah, Hawks, Raoul Walsh, William Wellman, Henry Hathaway, Anthony Mann, Don Siegel, Budd Boetticher, Jean-Pierre Melville, Walter Hill, and Marco Ferreri.)

So I put together my own list, going all the way back to the early silent era, because I’m thorough like that. It’s mostly comprised of tough-guy pictures involving cowboys, outlaws, cops, fighters, and other guys who operate complicated machinery, use deadly weapons, and brazenly slap women on their bottoms — because to my way of thinking these are the purest kinds of masculine movie.

But I also value variety. To that end, I’ve included art films, hardboiled comedies, wild sex flicks, buddy pictures, even some works that are simply dripping with outstanding derring-do. I think it’s an okay mix. No doubt it could be more diverse, yet there’s value in concentration: Just reading the titles of these films is likely to raise your T levels.

I skipped a bunch of obvious movies because, well, they’re obvious. I also included some obvious ones — because I’m manly enough to say “fuck you” to consistency. Grrrr!

You’ll notice my list is 50% bigger than the one at Art of Manliness. Size matters.

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