Fenster writes:

KURZWEIL IN HEAVEN

Cast:

Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer

(note: all Kurzweils identical so all characters are free to take any part at any time)

Kurzweil: Welcome.

Kurzweil: Thanks. I must say that was pretty painless. I mean, after the, you know, the biology incident. That hurt a bit. Anyway it is great to wake up and I am pleased to . . . to . . .

(pause, eyeing Kurzweil carefully)

. . . make your acquaintance. And you are . . . ?

Kurzweil: I am Kurzweil.

Kurzweil: I am Kurzweil!

[voice 1 from offstage left]: I am Kurzweil!

[voice 2 from offstage right, fainter]: I am Kurzweil!

Kurzweil: As you can see we are Kurzweil. There’s time for that. But you’ve had a long trip, Kurzweil. Would you like some tea?

Kurzweil: Yes, thanks. . . I mean, of course. You knew that I suppose.

Kurzweil: Certainly. We will dispense with questions after a short adjustment period since, as you seem to have grasped already, we have little use for them. Quick study, Kurzweil!

Kurzweil: Always was that.

Kurzweil: As to the tea, I’ll have Kurzweil fetch it for you.

Kurzweil: (slyly) Don’t bother. I’ll get it myself.
(calling loudly to offstage)
Kurzweil, can I have some tea?

[voice 1 from offstage left]: Sure. I’ll have Kurzweil get it.

[voice 2 from offstage right, fainter]: I’m on it!

Kurzweil: I can see you are really getting the hang of it, Kurzweil. There are many advantages in this heaven. For instance, I think you’ll find making tea up here is a breeze.

(Kurzweil enters left)

Kurzweil: Here’s your tea . . . . Kurzweil.

(Kurzweil enters right)

Kurzweil: Here’s your tea . . . Kurzweil. Sorry for the delay.

Kurzweil: Listen Kurzweil and Kurzweil. We don’t need two teas.

Kurzweil: (laughing) Such fun! We don’t need four Kurzweils.

Kurzweil: Four? Only four? Of course, you just arrived. Have you looked in the basement? The barn?

Kurzweil: Kurzweils?

Kurzweil: Kurzweils, Kurzweils everywhere. As far as the eye can see.

Kurzweil: Surely this is good for software development. We are a pretty smart person.

Kurzweil: No need to develop software up here. We did that for me before.

Kurzweil & Kurrzweil:
(offering tea)
Tea, Kurzweil?

Kurzweil: Hmmm. What did you brew up?

Kurzweil & Kurzweil: Orange Pekoe.

Kurzweil: Ah, my favorite.

Kurzweil & Kurzweil: Ours, too, as it happens. Kurzweil favors Orange Pekoe.

Kurzweil: Poetically put indeed. As I have always said, at least as long as I remember,

#include <stdio.h>
int main() {
    char c;
    for (tea type)
        printf(orange pekoe);
    return 0;
}

It’s Orange Pekoe for all, all the time.

Kurzweil: (broadly) Looks like we will need two more teas, then, to round things out.

(calling out to offstage)

Kurzweil! Two more Orange Pekoe teas!

[large chorus of voices offstage]: We’ll be there in a gif!

Kurzweil: (laughing) In a gif! Get it, Kurzweil? In a gif! Prepare yourself for more tea, and more tea lovers.

(loudly, towards offstage)

Kurzweil, make sure to brew up a lot of tea, please. And let the Barn Kurzweils know it is tea time.

Kurzweil: (sipping tea) Delicious! I am so pleased to have finally arrived at my final destination.

Kurzweil, Kurzweil, Kurzweil & Kurzweil:
(in unison)
It’s plain to see
Just from the tea
We’ll get along
Just fine with me.