Kurzweil in Heaven

Fenster writes:

KURZWEIL IN HEAVEN

Cast:

Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer
Kurzweil, technology genius, Singularity pioneer

(note: all Kurzweils identical so all characters are free to take any part at any time)

Kurzweil: Welcome.

Kurzweil: Thanks. I must say that was pretty painless. I mean, after the, you know, the biology incident. That hurt a bit. Anyway it is great to wake up and I am pleased to . . . to . . .

(pause, eyeing Kurzweil carefully)

. . . make your acquaintance. And you are . . . ?

Kurzweil: I am Kurzweil.

Kurzweil: I am Kurzweil!

[voice 1 from offstage left]: I am Kurzweil!

[voice 2 from offstage right, fainter]: I am Kurzweil!

Kurzweil: As you can see we are Kurzweil. There’s time for that. But you’ve had a long trip, Kurzweil. Would you like some tea?

Kurzweil: Yes, thanks. . . I mean, of course. You knew that I suppose.

Kurzweil: Certainly. We will dispense with questions after a short adjustment period since, as you seem to have grasped already, we have little use for them. Quick study, Kurzweil!

Kurzweil: Always was that.

Kurzweil: As to the tea, I’ll have Kurzweil fetch it for you.

Kurzweil: (slyly) Don’t bother. I’ll get it myself.
(calling loudly to offstage)
Kurzweil, can I have some tea?

[voice 1 from offstage left]: Sure. I’ll have Kurzweil get it.

[voice 2 from offstage right, fainter]: I’m on it!

Kurzweil: I can see you are really getting the hang of it, Kurzweil. There are many advantages in this heaven. For instance, I think you’ll find making tea up here is a breeze.

(Kurzweil enters left)

Kurzweil: Here’s your tea . . . . Kurzweil.

(Kurzweil enters right)

Kurzweil: Here’s your tea . . . Kurzweil. Sorry for the delay.

Kurzweil: Listen Kurzweil and Kurzweil. We don’t need two teas.

Kurzweil: (laughing) Such fun! We don’t need four Kurzweils.

Kurzweil: Four? Only four? Of course, you just arrived. Have you looked in the basement? The barn?

Kurzweil: Kurzweils?

Kurzweil: Kurzweils, Kurzweils everywhere. As far as the eye can see.

Kurzweil: Surely this is good for software development. We are a pretty smart person.

Kurzweil: No need to develop software up here. We did that for me before.

Kurzweil & Kurrzweil:
(offering tea)
Tea, Kurzweil?

Kurzweil: Hmmm. What did you brew up?

Kurzweil & Kurzweil: Orange Pekoe.

Kurzweil: Ah, my favorite.

Kurzweil & Kurzweil: Ours, too, as it happens. Kurzweil favors Orange Pekoe.

Kurzweil: Poetically put indeed. As I have always said, at least as long as I remember,

#include <stdio.h>
int main() {
    char c;
    for (tea type)
        printf(orange pekoe);
    return 0;
}

It’s Orange Pekoe for all, all the time.

Kurzweil: (broadly) Looks like we will need two more teas, then, to round things out.


(calling out to offstage)


Kurzweil! Two more Orange Pekoe teas!

[large chorus of voices offstage]: We’ll be there in a gif!

Kurzweil: (laughing) In a gif! Get it, Kurzweil? In a gif! Prepare yourself for more tea, and more tea lovers.

(loudly, towards offstage)

Kurzweil, make sure to brew up a lot of tea, please. And let the Barn Kurzweils know it is tea time.

Kurzweil: (sipping tea) Delicious! I am so pleased to have finally arrived at my final destination.

Kurzweil, Kurzweil, Kurzweil & Kurzweil:
(in unison)
It’s plain to see
Just from the tea
We’ll get along
Just fine with me.

About Fenster

Gainfully employed for thirty years, including as one of those high paid college administrators faculty complain about. Earned Ph.D. late in life and converted to the faculty side. Those damn administrators are ruining everything.
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